£10.8 Billion Check

Greece's controversial austerity plan was approved by parliament today, which means that the country full of lazy Europeans can finally receive the latest installment of their loan from the EU. Think the IMF is cutting the check? Wrong.

Her Royal Majesty has a personal check in her purse to be delivered to Greece tomorrow morning to be cashed. If you think your credit card interest rates are high, you don't want to know HRH's standard fees for other nations. How do you think she pays for Christmas presents?

(btw- HRH is so happy about the Strauss-Kahn news)

Tupperware

Today, Her Majesty The Queen hosted over 10,000 commoners for the year's first Garden Party at the very-rarely-open-to-the-public Buckingham Palace gardens.

Our beloved Queen loves those adorable assortment of  sandwiches and cakes served every year, so she carries around a nondescript tupperware to stash some on her way back into the Royal Quarters.

To the the British Monarchy staff reading this: my friend Alice and I would love to get an invite to this event next year. You can send the evite to me at WhatDoesTheQueenHaveInHerPurse@gmail.com. Thanks "ever so much."



Gift for Sam Cameron

Last week, HRH and Phil were invited to have lunch at 10 Dowing street for the first time in 9 years. Judging by Samantha Cameron's deplorable outfit (sans hat) at Her Majesty's grandson's wedding earlier this year, she decided to keep a gift card for the Philip Treacy shoppe in her purse for the next time she sees her.

Royal Ascot Blacklist

Today, Her Majesty inaugurated the 2011 Royal Ascot (if you don't know what that is, then you're obviously poor).

In the very traditional manner of Her Royal Highness, QEII requested that her butler keep a blacklist of attendees not wearing appropriate attire as mandated by the Royal code. This list was tightly held in her purse throughout the event and was later used by her to strip titles indiscriminately from chav members of the extended Royal family.

Birthday Poligrip

Today, HRH's beloved hubby turned 90 years old... yes, Prince Philip turned ninety... years... old. A lovely birthday gift, the grandchildren (including the commoner lovely Duchess of Cambridge), attended a mouth-watering meal at The Waterside Inn in Berkshire.

Nonetheless - worry not - for The Queen carried poligrip in her purse throughout the affair to avoid any mishaps with his Royal Dentures.

Train Wrecks

Her Majesty has been fascinated by the rugged American West ever since she was a young Princess gawking over John Wayne films.

When the "maverick" Sarah Palin came along, QEII found herself a new obsession -- train wrecks!

Although a physical trainwreck obviously wouldn't fit into her purse, Scotland Yard secured Her Majesty an advance copy of Sarah Palin's emails from when she was a governor, published today

She's keeping a few of her favourites in her purse for now. Emails about tanning beds in the Governor's mansion? Really?

Doggies

Everybody knows that HRH's favourite doggies are Corgis... But not just regular Corgis, MINI Corgis.

Her majesty got the brilliant idea of carrying around a mini-corgi while watching Paris Hilton on the tele a few years ago. The Beverly Hills Hermes dog carrying purse rage has since caught on at the Royal Palace.

Thanks for the idea, Alice S.!

Beano!

Not like the Royal tooshie would ever need these magical products, but Her Majesty is certainly weary of what she might be eating at her next luncheon with a commoner. Just in case, a handful of Beano meltaways can be found within convenient reach of Our Queen's purse.

Speaking of flatulence (watch from minute :58)...

Mini Sofia

Don't judge -- so what if Her Majesty The Queen likes to take the occasional sip from her purse? A little crisp grape juice here and there never hurt anyone!

The perfect little purse-sized bottle? Francis Ford Coppola's Mini Sofia, duh (QEII HEARTS wines from the colonies... she loves pretending to be chav).

The Windsor Castle Mini Fire Extinguisher

Our beloved Regent is at Windsor Castle today.

After what happened in 1992 (the whole place went flambée after Her Majesty left a candle on in the chapel), QEII carries around a mini-fire extinguisher in her purse whilst on property to ensure no "oopsies" happen again.

See what happens when you pray for Diana's death your son's marriage?!

Friday Night Dance Card

It's Friday night in Londontown and we gon' get crunnkkk.... 

HRH has her dance card all filled out and safe in her purse for this fine evening.

As Philip sleeps on the opposite side of Buckingham Palace, Her Majesty dances the night away with her Royal buddies to splendid Strauss and Tchaikovsky waltzes, all whilst drunk off two bottles of Smirnoff Ice.



1953 Coronation Programme

Fun fact: it was on this very same day in 1953 when Her Majesty officially became QEII following the death of her studdering father King George V.

As a souvenir, The Queen keeps a copy of the official coronation programme in her purse with her. She loves reading it on her way to meet-and-greets with commoners as a reminder of her omnipotence.

God Save the Queen!

Prince Philip's Nuts in a Jar

Prince Philip, The Duke of Edinburgh, has really had it rough over the last couple of decades.

Born to the Greek Royal family, Phil gave up all of his Greek Royal titles, renounced the Greek Orthodox Church and even became a British citizen for Her Majesty's hand in marriage. Even after all that, he's still not gettin' the title of "king." Sorry, buddy. 

That's right, QEII has had a firm grip on her third cousin's (!!) nuts since 1947 and keeps them tightly sealed in a jar, which, of course, she carries around in her purse during official functions.